pressure

5 weeks into year 3.

i guess im coping well? maybe not? im not sure myself either.

i dont really like the teachers i got this year. boring, monotonous etc. for the past two years we had the fun teachers like mr pon, mr wong zz, mr mark lim which makes the class interesting. and speaking of physics its my favourite subject all along with math but this teacher makes it super boring coz he's so monotonous and he goes at a FREAKING SNAIL SPEED even tho its revision? wtf no wonder you always dont have enough time to finish teaching in one lesson.

homework given are doable just that i take some time for certain subjects. they're manageable but just that i really dont feel like doing certain subjects especially LA and bio coz i really really dislike these subjects. but im not that type of person whereby i'll just heck heh. i'll still do everything with the best of my abilities and complete them no matter what is given. i guess this is what helps me alot?

sometimes i dont get it how people can sleep before 11 and im like sleeping only 3-4 hours daily? ohmygod my eyebags are getting bigger and heavier, and those eye rings omg its getting really bad :x dont be shock if you see me still on whatsapp at 3am LOL. its really the norm nowadays to sleep at this time.

i guess im getting busier and busier with CO stuff too hurhur. like the stress of our standard is really coming to me now. ohgod lets just face the fact that we really seriously suck kay? if its just one or two person thats good that doesnt mean the whole orchestra is good. and i dont understand why some of you guys are slacking despite knowing that you have not put in much effort in it. actions speak louder than words. 'i love dhsco!' 'i got prac regularly okay!' its easy to say. everyone can say it. but i doubt your words at times. its whether you really did it or not, or is it efficient enough? you're given the privilege to be in this orchestra so why mot treasure this opportunity?

not naming anyone in particular but you know yourself well.

just really a daily routine to wake up and prepare for school, go to school for lessons, back home, do homework, eat dinner and sleep. i dont find any fun in anything but im not disliking them either as of now. just neutral i guess? 

sometimes, i wonder

 sometimes, i wonder:

what did i wrong?

what did i do to get these parents?

what did i do to get this kind of life?

what did i do?

i really really prefer to work myself till im tired and knock out.

i get really really bored of being the only child, and i get super jealous of people who have siblings, basically most of the people. 

my cousins are all super nice to me. we help each other, encourage each other. we work hard, and yet we play hard at the same time. im really thankful for my elder cousin, who i call him my brother, for being so caring, helpful, and being my support all the time. although you lecture me, you caned me, you slap me, i know that you care and they're for the better of me. but if my parents did these i wouldnt have felt this way. my psle results were real bad that you went to the extent of... making me kneel down. but i guessed i finally learnt the importance of studying and my results after y2 streaming which similar stuff happened again. oops im really really sorry how i am such a huge disappointment. but still, you're the best person i can ever ask for despite being harsh, being strict oh me. how i wish you're my real sibling as an elder brother :/ but we work hard play hard together heh. thank you, for guiding me along all this while :')

my parents, i've got nothing much to say. my friends are the ones that make my day everyday, not them. my parents, most of the time, they make things difficult, they're not receptive to changes, no sense of urgency, only knows how to complain, and gets too proud of themselves most of the times and start bragging. think you damn good ah. they dont understand technology, they dont bloody understand what is the difference between wifi, data and roaming after explaining 902983733973 times -__- not say you guys are giving me a good life either. can we, settle in sg and don't come back to malaysia so often? im really going to die of tiring myself out. kindly be more civilised when you guys are outdoors too. not the whole place is yours.

sometimes, i wonder, why didnt i have a better life. what did i do to really deserve this :/ sometimes my parents make me feel happy too, but not all of the time. they burden me mostly :( they really have to stop asking me everything this is getting onto my nerves. not everything has to go YOUR WAY. it can be MY WAY too. hi im 15 already. do spare a thought for others and not just yourself thanks. no wonder your colleagues dont really like you either.

i spend most of my time in school, or when out of school, with my friends or rather alone instead of being with my parents. i dont like staying at home with my parents anymore. i prefer to be at home alone. being alone allows me to think about the events happened, about my life and such. i can do anything i want too.

my motivation to keep going has been from school, friends, cca, bro, my results and achievements. i do hope that i'll be able to achieve what i have set for myself :)

another person. thank you so much for making my days in malaysia fruiful, enjoyable. going to your house to study, to play has always made my day. you've known me well enough that you always try to cheer me up when im alone and start thinking about stuff, inviting me over to spend time together. thank you for helping me to improve my chinese, and of course you're welcome that your math and science improved :) i like how we're able to help each other academically :') cant wait to see you again €:

i think some people will get shocked after reading this post hurhur. i guess, i havent really open up to people that much yet, or you dont know me well. you're considered knowing me well if you've known about my brother disciplining me x)

things change, as the generation changes. perhaps, try to understand others?

i do hope miracles happen.

i wish i am as carefree as elmo.