oh the wake from death

pain pain pain T_T the cousins brought me to see a chinese practitioner yesterday which was PLAIN TORTURE.

practically freaked out when i was told coz that two words are just giving me fear.  i followed my brother to one when i was p4 or p5 coz he injured his ankle ((whoa we came for the same reason)). even he cant tolerate. i was laughing at him when he came out with crutches back then, and now its me? ._. never thought the day would come to me..

tried to relax but i was really really worried after being told what that dude might so :> sigh// if i didnt get into accident on the court that time i wouldnt have so much problems on my body now :/

pfft. im that kind of person that is really really scared of pain. i cant endure pain. //bows down to those who can endure all the way without screaming, crying etc// 我真的很佩服你们！！-salutes-

the moment i walked into the room i felt so tense orz. partly i was alone and it was so a w k w a r d. was asked a few questions but i directed all to bro haha oops. since it was my virgin experience he hit once to see my tolerance level and how hard is he supposed to use LOL. one hit and... :/ nearly jumped out of the bed OTL. and he claims that im like one the the weakest person he has ever seen 😅 i probably embarrassed myself badly, as he had to call kor in to pin my leg down bc i keep on moving it and i cant endure it .-. it felt weird....and its like a stranger touching you everywhere...... oh the electroplating thing was scary .-. electroplated my legs ouch. i was wondering is that how people get electric shock.__. it wasnt needed at first but well bro took in that dude's idea so...more suffering. plus ok at first it was only my right ankle only but then he went to check my left leg also and claims that my hamstring is very stiff and tight so bro allowed him to do something about it D: wtf man do you know how strong or how buff you are h you use your dominant hand's elbow and zam right on the back of my inner knee WTF DO YOU KNOW HOW PAIN IT WAS?! what did i do to deserve this ==' oh and then my back. wah never doing this again man. the awkward thing was that he said my skin is so white LOL and even my cousins said it too 😓 my back is literally full of red marks everywhere hurhur and some kind of turn into blue-blacks 😨 

but i was kind of glad that i couldnt smell the oil they applied on me coz i was having blocked nose 😂 but afterwards when i could smell it, oh gawd, horrible.

i swear that practitioner is damn cruel omf brutal forces applied -__- the moment it ended i was so glad :'D but i fell off the bed when i tried to get up LOL the pain when you fall onto the ground 😂 and never look down on crutches being an obstacle to walk oh god it helped so much. then when i was walking with it to the carpark with the bros then the passers by just stared at us 😂😂😂

overall, it was a bad experience >< i think i practically screamed throughout the whole thing, how i wish the room was sound proof 😩 so painful and yet so sore 😖 but as much as i dislike you guys for bringing me there, i'll still respect your decision and go for it no matter what. z i still dont like yall for making me go there but still, you guys are the loveliest brothers i can ever ask for. ((i know you're reading this but oh well dont talk to me about it please it just scares me)) 

i had hallucinations when i slept yesterday night 😰

massages and whatever arent luxury at all its just torture

world of confusion

i wonder

when am i old enough

to get out of this prison

to get freedom,

to get justice,

to get equality?

i don't know,

perhaps

the time will never come

i'm stuck

in this world full of confusion

not understanding anything

unsure of the path im going towards for

okay im really confused with the world that im living in right now. seems like i dont have a goal in life, and that nothing interests me so much that i will not feel sian even after doing it for like 465321689 years. nothing.

well spent week :)

well spent week hehe. we pon-ed training on sat and sun to play LOL.

anyway baked brownies on sunday again yay hehe yum ♡♡♡ 
but this time round we baked together HAHA had a really fun time. throwing flour at each other OTL. then i had to clean up the place coz i lost -_-
here's some pictures taken while making them tho

yay so basically went to ecp on monday to cycle after so long :'D the last time i cycled was the class outing last year? :O had a fun time today tho, despite one was injured. the moment i saw the blood i was like ohmygod, not that again, I remembered how I fell down on the bloody rubber court few years back + got hit by the racket. it was just.......................nvm. then most of them went to fix the bike and their labour paid off by getting their hands full of the black oil LOL. we have a new plumber. plumber chua! let's hope that this plumber can fix things instead of spoiling things even more :>

then we went to the beach to play for a while and took some pictures :D i look so retarded in some photos OTL. wanted to go into the water tho, but I didn't. just didn't feel like it on that day. they played with sand and pretty not sure who threw some at me :( I HATE SAND YOU KNOW I NEVER LIKED SAND

stayed in malaysia on tuesday and pretty much did nothing. just did some filing since school for this year has ended and i don't want all my worksheets to be everywhere. my room's indeed messy sigh// but im just so lazy to even start tidying up my room coz idk where to start from..? and i need to find a space to keep all my y1 and y2 stuff hurhur. did nothing much, then video chat till late at night.

wednesday, badminton! YAY. but i felt so weak, i mean like, i can't even smash a single shot..?! lobbed most of the shots. oh come on, I could do it last time but i couldn't do it nowdays. i think i slack too much since this is just something I do when i have the time :> unlike last time, when so much time was dedicated to badminton. and i really had no idea why i was really scared of the shuttles smashing towards me yesterday and they were like coming in continuous shots so you really need a fast reaction so that you wont lose or get hit. played with rebecca which was quite fun haha since we're just lobbing here and there LOL, and she actually targeted irvin for smash so that she could win points :> not sure to laugh at this or what.

the flooring was okay since i thought it was wooden flooring and it turned out to be tiled cement flooring, but if i fall, even if i wipe the floor the water doesnt go away ugh then it became so slippery then -__- aw man, need to work harder. the fear just comes back to me whenever I play doubles ever since that incident. please don't happen again if not i'll just give up already this is too much prevented from playing for 6 months to recover

ooh then rebecca and i had a match with su mian and zi kai that became friendly after we complained about what boys vs girls or i think we're just tired haha oops. ((let's just admit that they're way stronger)) then we ended up imitating each other's action rofl like the actions guys and girls do during match. why do i guys even jump, and after they jump down reach the floor already then hit the shuttle. then jump for what...?? LOL. then girls got move around one meh :> oh and we also sat down on the court to play like 5 on each team since we were kind of lazy to stand up and play. chaos everywhere since we're so lazy to pick up the shuttle if we hit to somewhere that someone can't reach if the person doesn't stand up. sitting at the back doesn't make you to take much shots but you don't have to pick up shuttles hehe.

most of us went to parkway for dinner then we saw a kenzie look-alike HAHAHHA. he even stared at andrea and I since we were like staring at him LOL. but he's like a combination of kenzie and yanqiao LOL. then we saw victoria but we couldnt find her coz she laid her hair down and she came parkway to shop haha. pretty much a fun day with them again :)

oh and weilin the stalker saw me but she didnt want to tell me where she was :( but i guess that she was in the library tho, coz it was so quiet when I called her

then today, woke up with pain shooting through me ouch D: stayed at home to rehab since I was told this afternoon that i have some tendon problem at my ankle..? why didnt you tell me earlier, no wonder you keep on telling me to not use my right leg. hiding from me does not help okay.. did some stretches so that the pain wont come to be so often. i mean like these kind of stuff don't come to me can? :3

so there's CCA tmrw and yeah it got changed to the afternoon which means the whole day is gone :( but it's okay tho, I understand why it's in the afternoon hehe. AND YES WE'RE PLAYING YUNNAN FOR NICHE CONCERT OMG OMG OMG IM SO EXCITED =D

choices

made up my mind! decided to take triple science history. geog is never my thing and i have been scoring super badly. got a C for the overall year oops// of course i had to face the consequences lol.

didnt even consider chi lit coz its just not my thing and i really dont have an interest for it. my dislike for chinese is getting stronger and stronger and it has become a hate towards chinese. like i want to take revenge on the subject :>

if chi lit is not my thing dont even consider e lit. it's even worse. i mean like you wont want to risk taking it right?

i wished there was a subject combination of triple math and triple science. i'll confirm take it then HAHA. humanities is just not my thing. my history is better than my geog, but not say its good also OTL. but that's the best choice for me i guess.

P.S.: quite shocked when i saw the price on the book list for the 3 science textbook LOL $60+ each :3

we'll never journey alone

yesterday was the last day of school with Jamae. THE LAST DAY. how amazing can my class get? they made my first 2 years in Dunman High wonderful. It's something that I would never trade for. The ups and downs we've gone through together, overcoming our fears etc.

This is probably the first time I cried so much like emotionally. The farewells that we bid each and everyone were just..... This is really the first class in my life that I had felt so bonded with. I can just talk to anyone in the class, and not just selective people.

I did not even cry in primary school but yesterday the tears just flowed out like a huge waterfall. ms ling's words really made me started tearing, and then the video :> when the teachers say we could enjoy the food prepared for us, most of us just went so emotional........... PS: i was really shocked that xueying was crying like crazy coz she was so happy few moments ago LOL. took pictures with the class and the teachers :')

Our class guys are really really nice to be with! you can get so comfortable with them that you can talk about anything xD and they're really humorous. I don't think we can ever find a class that's funnier than Jamae, no way. We'll all be going different paths, pursuing different stuff.

There's something that I'm really afraid of. Who knows, we might change due to the new class that we will be in. People might change due to their surrounding friends. when the next time jamae meets up, some of us would have probably have a total change that kind of gives us the impression of "we dont know this person anymore" we might change from good to bad, or bad to good. we can't predict. I really kind of enjoy the way I am now, the easy going way. But one thing I really hate myself is that I keep everything to myself until at home i start ranting to my dearest bro. ((sorry but i really love you more than anyone else)) But I hope I can stay the way I am, and i'm like forever smiling LOL.

sigh, i really miss the class. ((can i say im like kind of sobbing while writing this .__. ))

♡♡♡i love you guys to the moon and back ♡♡♡

I really can't imagine the class that I'll be in for the next two years. Who will be the jamaeians that will be in my class? close ones? not that close ones? or none? IM WORRIED.

yesterday was probably the last day that I can play around with really great friends like zikai, irvin, lezong, nina, bethany, xueying, melanie, eunseo and audria as my classmates. we're like taking different number of subjects, choosing different combination, but i think there's a chance of me being in the same class as malthus, su mian, andrea or eunseo.

i think it was the last day of us walking to everywhere as a clique too. gonna be real busy next year. really hope that we can meet up???

we'll never journey alone. this theme for our orientation into dunman high suits us so much. we always help each other in times of need, help each other to overcome our fears and difficulties that we face, and encourage each other every time we could. Thanks to you guys I had the motivation to work harder in everything I do, but im really sorry that I could not reach the standard of what was expected in some areas T__T. i'll improve for the better yay.

love you guys more than him x