a new beginning

hey there. just blogging on the way to somewhere. it's the last day of 2013! Ö time has indeed passed by quickly this year. im going to be year 3 next year OMG. 

2013's been great, which makes me think that it made time pass even quicker hehe it was interesting, fulfilling, yet tiring. from my first gongyan (altho it's just one song but still), party at bethany's after CT1, level camp, working during june holidays, birthday, teacher's day, post exam activities, CCO trip. these are the more significant ones i guess :) lessons wise, i miss physics lessons and coffee HAHA. imitating ms soh was interesting too 8)

i think this year's the year that I've experienced lots of things, and got closer to my friends and the seniors..? there were times that were a little awkward for me since im the only y2 on certain occassions..?

level camp i got to make new friends like ling li, sheldon, yijia, heather. then got closer to my dearest rachael, jaye and melanie since we shared a tent yay :'D the gossipping sessions every night were great HAHA.

jamae has always been awesome, making my first 2 years in dunman high enjoyable, memorable. this is the class that i will never forget. those trolls, jokes etc... you can never have a class that is more fun than us. it's saddening that we're splitting to different classes next year but i really do hope that we can remain as close as we are, or become even closer. those days where we stay up late and do homework together and posting answers on whatsapp, skype and google hangout the whole day, late night chats etc. 

class photo on the last day featuring the class pail and kenzie's polaroid

taiwan trip was great. like im getting more comfortable and less awkward with the seniors and the places we visited were great too! the things are cheap there and of course the food was yummy so YAY! bought souvenirs back for friends and family. sad that we didnt check under the blanket and we left chngqi's toy there D: the plane rides were good when we went to taiwan coz it wasnt shaky, but i sat with two strangers :( at least for the transit flight i swapped seats and sat with weilin and jiayu €: BUT the plane rides back sucked. both flights were so shaky and there was a delay in taiwan so we had to rush for the flight to sg in hongkong. (and the custom officer is damn slow i swear) okay at least i sat with someone from the orchestra but we didnt even know each other at first LOL. and we ended up sitting with each other on the flight to sg again..?!?! there was a turbulence i nearly jumped out of my seat oops :> but overall the trip was just great! and bought a charlie chaplin shirt with weilin haha.

evil weilin dumps chngqi's toy in the lamp thing

tby photo at the first concert venue ^^

on the other hand, there were also the days where i feel stress, peer pressure and frustration. it was the streaming year, and with that came along heavy work loads, tons of projects... i felt that my grades were really going to drop ALOT. and there were people around me who were really mugging for the tests and then there's me sitting there stoning. the yingxuan who people thinks that she mug alot is non-existent.

but im grateful that i was never alone in this journey where i faced ups and downs. friends, bro, and even primary school friends who we rarely see now are always there to help me. my parents, altho they werent able to help me with my academics, but they assisted me financially, and encouraged me etc. long hours of school and cca followed by badminton was tiring. but you guys are always there :') i will never forget your kindness and i love you boys and girls x

since a new year is coming, obviously i have some goals in my mind for me to achieve!

• able to play the ukulele (yay new toy :D) and piano more fluently

• stop disliking piano

• play the zhongruan better: improve on jibengong and clearer dynamics

• stop breaking so many xians -__-

• 3.5 GPA

• better netting and smashing skills in badminton, with further distance lobbing

• get the roles i want in school and be able to do my job well

• take lesser time to complete work

• stop memorising notes only on the night before the test

• stay in sg more often without distractions

• improve my LA and chinese has to stop deproving

• need better ideas and stop being so lengthy for zuowen

• GROW TALLER 2cm at least

• better living conditions (bc i am freaking stuck with bro tho he'a great at times)

• know my batchmates better and know more seniors

• get along really well with my new classmates

• hope that jamae will never be split apart and remain as close as we are right now or get even closer

• let my tby batch be more bonded, such that we can talk to any one of us comfortably, assist and encourae each other etc

im pretty sure there's more but i cant think right now :x but will add on to the list hehe.

Happy New Year everyone! may 2014 be great 😊🎉🎊🎈

oh the wake from death

pain pain pain T_T the cousins brought me to see a chinese practitioner yesterday which was PLAIN TORTURE.

practically freaked out when i was told coz that two words are just giving me fear.  i followed my brother to one when i was p4 or p5 coz he injured his ankle ((whoa we came for the same reason)). even he cant tolerate. i was laughing at him when he came out with crutches back then, and now its me? ._. never thought the day would come to me..

tried to relax but i was really really worried after being told what that dude might so :> sigh// if i didnt get into accident on the court that time i wouldnt have so much problems on my body now :/

pfft. im that kind of person that is really really scared of pain. i cant endure pain. //bows down to those who can endure all the way without screaming, crying etc// 我真的很佩服你们！！-salutes-

the moment i walked into the room i felt so tense orz. partly i was alone and it was so a w k w a r d. was asked a few questions but i directed all to bro haha oops. since it was my virgin experience he hit once to see my tolerance level and how hard is he supposed to use LOL. one hit and... :/ nearly jumped out of the bed OTL. and he claims that im like one the the weakest person he has ever seen 😅 i probably embarrassed myself badly, as he had to call kor in to pin my leg down bc i keep on moving it and i cant endure it .-. it felt weird....and its like a stranger touching you everywhere...... oh the electroplating thing was scary .-. electroplated my legs ouch. i was wondering is that how people get electric shock.__. it wasnt needed at first but well bro took in that dude's idea so...more suffering. plus ok at first it was only my right ankle only but then he went to check my left leg also and claims that my hamstring is very stiff and tight so bro allowed him to do something about it D: wtf man do you know how strong or how buff you are h you use your dominant hand's elbow and zam right on the back of my inner knee WTF DO YOU KNOW HOW PAIN IT WAS?! what did i do to deserve this ==' oh and then my back. wah never doing this again man. the awkward thing was that he said my skin is so white LOL and even my cousins said it too 😓 my back is literally full of red marks everywhere hurhur and some kind of turn into blue-blacks 😨 

but i was kind of glad that i couldnt smell the oil they applied on me coz i was having blocked nose 😂 but afterwards when i could smell it, oh gawd, horrible.

i swear that practitioner is damn cruel omf brutal forces applied -__- the moment it ended i was so glad :'D but i fell off the bed when i tried to get up LOL the pain when you fall onto the ground 😂 and never look down on crutches being an obstacle to walk oh god it helped so much. then when i was walking with it to the carpark with the bros then the passers by just stared at us 😂😂😂

overall, it was a bad experience >< i think i practically screamed throughout the whole thing, how i wish the room was sound proof 😩 so painful and yet so sore 😖 but as much as i dislike you guys for bringing me there, i'll still respect your decision and go for it no matter what. z i still dont like yall for making me go there but still, you guys are the loveliest brothers i can ever ask for. ((i know you're reading this but oh well dont talk to me about it please it just scares me)) 

i had hallucinations when i slept yesterday night 😰

massages and whatever arent luxury at all its just torture

world of confusion

i wonder

when am i old enough

to get out of this prison

to get freedom,

to get justice,

to get equality?

i don't know,

perhaps

the time will never come

i'm stuck

in this world full of confusion

not understanding anything

unsure of the path im going towards for

okay im really confused with the world that im living in right now. seems like i dont have a goal in life, and that nothing interests me so much that i will not feel sian even after doing it for like 465321689 years. nothing.

well spent week :)

well spent week hehe. we pon-ed training on sat and sun to play LOL.

anyway baked brownies on sunday again yay hehe yum ♡♡♡ 
but this time round we baked together HAHA had a really fun time. throwing flour at each other OTL. then i had to clean up the place coz i lost -_-
here's some pictures taken while making them tho

yay so basically went to ecp on monday to cycle after so long :'D the last time i cycled was the class outing last year? :O had a fun time today tho, despite one was injured. the moment i saw the blood i was like ohmygod, not that again, I remembered how I fell down on the bloody rubber court few years back + got hit by the racket. it was just.......................nvm. then most of them went to fix the bike and their labour paid off by getting their hands full of the black oil LOL. we have a new plumber. plumber chua! let's hope that this plumber can fix things instead of spoiling things even more :>

then we went to the beach to play for a while and took some pictures :D i look so retarded in some photos OTL. wanted to go into the water tho, but I didn't. just didn't feel like it on that day. they played with sand and pretty not sure who threw some at me :( I HATE SAND YOU KNOW I NEVER LIKED SAND

stayed in malaysia on tuesday and pretty much did nothing. just did some filing since school for this year has ended and i don't want all my worksheets to be everywhere. my room's indeed messy sigh// but im just so lazy to even start tidying up my room coz idk where to start from..? and i need to find a space to keep all my y1 and y2 stuff hurhur. did nothing much, then video chat till late at night.

wednesday, badminton! YAY. but i felt so weak, i mean like, i can't even smash a single shot..?! lobbed most of the shots. oh come on, I could do it last time but i couldn't do it nowdays. i think i slack too much since this is just something I do when i have the time :> unlike last time, when so much time was dedicated to badminton. and i really had no idea why i was really scared of the shuttles smashing towards me yesterday and they were like coming in continuous shots so you really need a fast reaction so that you wont lose or get hit. played with rebecca which was quite fun haha since we're just lobbing here and there LOL, and she actually targeted irvin for smash so that she could win points :> not sure to laugh at this or what.

the flooring was okay since i thought it was wooden flooring and it turned out to be tiled cement flooring, but if i fall, even if i wipe the floor the water doesnt go away ugh then it became so slippery then -__- aw man, need to work harder. the fear just comes back to me whenever I play doubles ever since that incident. please don't happen again if not i'll just give up already this is too much prevented from playing for 6 months to recover

ooh then rebecca and i had a match with su mian and zi kai that became friendly after we complained about what boys vs girls or i think we're just tired haha oops. ((let's just admit that they're way stronger)) then we ended up imitating each other's action rofl like the actions guys and girls do during match. why do i guys even jump, and after they jump down reach the floor already then hit the shuttle. then jump for what...?? LOL. then girls got move around one meh :> oh and we also sat down on the court to play like 5 on each team since we were kind of lazy to stand up and play. chaos everywhere since we're so lazy to pick up the shuttle if we hit to somewhere that someone can't reach if the person doesn't stand up. sitting at the back doesn't make you to take much shots but you don't have to pick up shuttles hehe.

most of us went to parkway for dinner then we saw a kenzie look-alike HAHAHHA. he even stared at andrea and I since we were like staring at him LOL. but he's like a combination of kenzie and yanqiao LOL. then we saw victoria but we couldnt find her coz she laid her hair down and she came parkway to shop haha. pretty much a fun day with them again :)

oh and weilin the stalker saw me but she didnt want to tell me where she was :( but i guess that she was in the library tho, coz it was so quiet when I called her

then today, woke up with pain shooting through me ouch D: stayed at home to rehab since I was told this afternoon that i have some tendon problem at my ankle..? why didnt you tell me earlier, no wonder you keep on telling me to not use my right leg. hiding from me does not help okay.. did some stretches so that the pain wont come to be so often. i mean like these kind of stuff don't come to me can? :3

so there's CCA tmrw and yeah it got changed to the afternoon which means the whole day is gone :( but it's okay tho, I understand why it's in the afternoon hehe. AND YES WE'RE PLAYING YUNNAN FOR NICHE CONCERT OMG OMG OMG IM SO EXCITED =D

choices

made up my mind! decided to take triple science history. geog is never my thing and i have been scoring super badly. got a C for the overall year oops// of course i had to face the consequences lol.

didnt even consider chi lit coz its just not my thing and i really dont have an interest for it. my dislike for chinese is getting stronger and stronger and it has become a hate towards chinese. like i want to take revenge on the subject :>

if chi lit is not my thing dont even consider e lit. it's even worse. i mean like you wont want to risk taking it right?

i wished there was a subject combination of triple math and triple science. i'll confirm take it then HAHA. humanities is just not my thing. my history is better than my geog, but not say its good also OTL. but that's the best choice for me i guess.

P.S.: quite shocked when i saw the price on the book list for the 3 science textbook LOL $60+ each :3

we'll never journey alone

yesterday was the last day of school with Jamae. THE LAST DAY. how amazing can my class get? they made my first 2 years in Dunman High wonderful. It's something that I would never trade for. The ups and downs we've gone through together, overcoming our fears etc.

This is probably the first time I cried so much like emotionally. The farewells that we bid each and everyone were just..... This is really the first class in my life that I had felt so bonded with. I can just talk to anyone in the class, and not just selective people.

I did not even cry in primary school but yesterday the tears just flowed out like a huge waterfall. ms ling's words really made me started tearing, and then the video :> when the teachers say we could enjoy the food prepared for us, most of us just went so emotional........... PS: i was really shocked that xueying was crying like crazy coz she was so happy few moments ago LOL. took pictures with the class and the teachers :')

Our class guys are really really nice to be with! you can get so comfortable with them that you can talk about anything xD and they're really humorous. I don't think we can ever find a class that's funnier than Jamae, no way. We'll all be going different paths, pursuing different stuff.

There's something that I'm really afraid of. Who knows, we might change due to the new class that we will be in. People might change due to their surrounding friends. when the next time jamae meets up, some of us would have probably have a total change that kind of gives us the impression of "we dont know this person anymore" we might change from good to bad, or bad to good. we can't predict. I really kind of enjoy the way I am now, the easy going way. But one thing I really hate myself is that I keep everything to myself until at home i start ranting to my dearest bro. ((sorry but i really love you more than anyone else)) But I hope I can stay the way I am, and i'm like forever smiling LOL.

sigh, i really miss the class. ((can i say im like kind of sobbing while writing this .__. ))

♡♡♡i love you guys to the moon and back ♡♡♡

I really can't imagine the class that I'll be in for the next two years. Who will be the jamaeians that will be in my class? close ones? not that close ones? or none? IM WORRIED.

yesterday was probably the last day that I can play around with really great friends like zikai, irvin, lezong, nina, bethany, xueying, melanie, eunseo and audria as my classmates. we're like taking different number of subjects, choosing different combination, but i think there's a chance of me being in the same class as malthus, su mian, andrea or eunseo.

i think it was the last day of us walking to everywhere as a clique too. gonna be real busy next year. really hope that we can meet up???

we'll never journey alone. this theme for our orientation into dunman high suits us so much. we always help each other in times of need, help each other to overcome our fears and difficulties that we face, and encourage each other every time we could. Thanks to you guys I had the motivation to work harder in everything I do, but im really sorry that I could not reach the standard of what was expected in some areas T__T. i'll improve for the better yay.

love you guys more than him x

randomness

so basically received all my results hurhur.

it wasnt that satisfying as i really really hope that I would not get a C and yet i got one :( and it was kinda disappointing that i did not get A+ for science sigh// silently praying/hoping that my grade will be pulled up to A+ hehe.

i really hope that i can hit 3.2 because i really want to have a subject-based enrichment in either math or science :> it sounds interesting and also my love for math and science yay hehe. PLEASE, 3.2 COME TO ME.

anyway, found some jobs for this holiday but idk whether I should apply or not coz i really don't know my schedule yet, partly due to school activities and some other stuff like trainings and lessons outside. and then i really wanna work with my friends, but they are all under the age limit D: cries.

interclass

so we got 6th....................

we started our group matches quite well but afterwards we went down the drain all the way. don't even talk about the second day which is even worse.

that was the last chance to play as a class i guess, and yet i kinda screwed it up >< served a ball out of court then not say my dig went over as it went up, someone hit it but couldnt go over. sigh/// i was such a burden :(

at last we improved from last year tho :')

but until now i seriously feel like im the burden to our team ohmygosh :/

end of EOY!

HEY THERE. so EOY has ended. i have a really really bad feeling this time round. REALLY BAD FEELING, especially LA. its kind of like my weakest and worst subject. I have to pass LA so that I'll get promoted. ohgod the stress for LA.

LA paper 1 was doable but i think i can't score? i screwed it up most probably. and my expository writing was rushed out in 20minutes wtf. Yes I did prepare for the lit part and read some stuff for expository, but I just blanked out when I saw the question. EVERY TIME. paper 2, compre paper, HAHAHA FAIL ALREADY. people who are good in english also say difficult, i doubt i can do well. and i really have a feeling that i'll fail overall?? =retain/3A????? YEAH THATS WHAT I FEEL.

math paper was bloody easy but i didn't complete it. around 5 marks? phew. regrets for not finishing math paper omg it was so easy!!!

chinese paper 1 was ha ha ha. email writing most people wrote another question. there's only like 1 or 2 people who wrote the same question as me :/ for essay i kinda stoned there for 20minutes coz i couldn't decide which topic to write since I have ideas for both. ended up writing the easy one but i dont think i can score very high either coz i forgotten one part of my super long phrase OTL.

science was okay...? easy but truthfully i did not prepare much for it. i think i would be careless for chem and physics. bio was the hardest man omg. dont even get all the logic in it :(

history was a KILLER. i expected the paper to be difficult but not to this standard. oh my i think i flunked it :/ who knows, i may end up getting F. wanted to pull up my history grade to A so much since I was just a few marks to A :(  B as always, sigh//

geography was okay, but i didn't complete the paper tho. left out one part of a question for short answer and a mark for drq. the essay was okay, but i expected like international instead of individual hurhur. but at least i could remember all the required data for the question so i hope that i linked it back to the question and my conclusion would not go wrong so that i can get high marks for geog. i hope i can get at least a B :>

that's all, not in the mood to talk about activities after EOY since im feeling that im such a burden :( oh lord save me, i have no idea what to choose among things that I have the chance to strive. I can't possibly like juggle everything anymore this is too tiring and i do not have so much time sigh//

the september holidays

ok anyway so using my phone to blog write now coz waiting for breakfast hehe. yumz breakfast at my favourite place that can never be found in singapore 😋 there's a favourite pic of my nasi lemak in this post hehe ❤((idk where it'll be coz im using phone))

its the september holidays now, and its gonna be over soon :( just like usual, went to school for jixun, then stayed at home to mug, do homework, and play some toontown haha. aww man its closing down :'( 💔 i have been playing it since i was young and then BOOMZ! its closing down in a few days. gonna miss everything in there: those friends that we help each other :')

EOYs are coming soon! time flies damn fast. its like in 3 weeks times omg 😱 tbh people always think i start revising very early but apparently i always take up a lot of time on each and every subject coz i go through the whole thing specifically and not just roughly read through those not important ones. hurhur i need more time.

spending time with my class has always been a bliss and all those joyous moments we've shared together are difficult to forget. 2 years is going to be over soon, and we'll be separated to different classes..... i don't think we're that well bonded tho, as compared to the class opposite (super bonded) which makes me quite jealous at times :/ but still, i'll miss them and i really wonder who's gonna be in my class, and i will really miss my clique alot haha but im sure we will still have the time to meet up and hae fun together!

still very worried for which subj combi i can take and i still cant decide which i want to take :( and my GPA has to maintain or be higher :>

oops, back to mugging.

CT2 is over!

and again, it has been long since i blogged.

nothing much happened tho, just the usual stuff.

COMMON TEST 2 IS OVER! ^^
i think I really did put in some effort for geography coz i did really bad CT1 back then.
Geog grades did improve but wasn't that satisfied since I could have scored a few marks higher if I used the correct weighing criterion for the conclusion :(
History just compiled notes with lé clique and made some myself. quite satisfied for history :) just hope that assignments wont pull me down since the assignments graded this time round did quite well!
math was..... let's just say i was really dumb. it was indeed a super easy paper. REALLY EASY. but just that i was so careless that i can't score. tbh i rather have difficult questions so that i can score higher, and some can't score, which gives me advantage. somehow my brain isnt working for math anymore :( should really drill at least a little next time and not just only go for the exam without doing anything.
science was a disappointment. have to admit that i did not put in any effort for science. this time round they tested physics and bio HOHOHO. favourite and most hated ones. i just briefly read through the notes only and didn't memorise anything. just like use basic knowledge and remember what i'd learnt in class beforehand. didn't expect an A+. not like i studied for it like CT1.
LA was eww. sucks. easy but tricky. almost failed wtf. cant i just have a flare in english OTL. im just like really really bad in english. I rather my chinese not be that good OTL just balance them leh. Can't study for LA at all :( HELP.
HCL was okay. but kind of sad that i didn't get A+ tho. kinda expected A+ but im few marks away :(
nothing much to talk about HCL. duanwentiankong kills. my compre is like way better!

quite a few friends are improving like so damn fast omg. idk where they get the motivation from but i just think that whenever someone is better than me i just feel so dumb. sometimes im just really lazy to do anything, and will just spend the whole day at home lying on my bed omg. if they study a lot and get good grades of course its good for them but im just really angry that i can't do the same as them or even better zzz

since it's over i should not really rant on how bad it is since i can't change anything. but just hope that i'll work harder next time, and its streaming D: hope that i can really do well hurhur. geog and LA please don't go down the drain thankyou at least 2A+ no C only 1 B lets go!

the june holidays!

*typed this beforehand but i didn't post it.

oops it has been so long since i blogged. not that i didnt want to but i did not have time. even though i have the time, sometimes i just feel lazy to blog. well, now i have finally brought myself here HAHAHA.

the june holidays wasnt really that bad until I really realised that there is actually way more homework than what I thought. same old thing, only rushed most of the work on the last week, especially the last day that i done 2 geog essays which kind of killed me. at least it paid off, one of the essay i got it back, and i got 13/15 hehehe. quite satisfied haha.

practically work on most days in the last 2 weeks of hols, plus going to school for jixun and stuff. kinda tiring haha. and the rushing of homework :p

it was spent quite okay i guess. baked, went out to have fun, worked, studied, played toontown. okay toontown is my childhood game lol but i just like it although im already a teenager ._.

there isnt any interesting event that happened, so i don't really have anything to say about the june hols haha.

school has reopened, i should study hard for the upcoming CT2 and strive in CO too :)

laborious day indeed.

happy labour day!

indeed a laborious day.

common test is halfway done for me now, and this is probably a day to study for the upcoming subjects hehe! just taking a break right now since i woke up early to study until now....

language and humanities papers down! YAY!

worried for my LA since my vocab is not that good and my point is kind of....different from others. i get very worried when this happens >< ohh and history. didn't manage to complete the paper tho. the reliability question i was left with the explanation why the source is unreliable and conclusion..... kind of wasted. well if i can get at least 4/7 im satisfied already hohoho. and the inference question. oops. need to write the purpose. but i wrote the inferences that i added the purpose in the last paragraph. this is weird O__O

HCL paper was okay, since my chinese is far more better than my LA. just that i kind of spent too much time on the email writing, hence im only left with 45min for the compre paper. i think my points are not enough for the email, and i kind of dragged too long coz i think i wrote some optional stuff. but its okay, at least i get the language marks, and content hope that i can score too! 短文填空 was surprisingly easy this time, and the compre passage was not that bad too. just that i had to rush 3 4m questions in the last 12min. my handwriting became horrible hoho i hope that its still legible.

geography paper was kind of okay... managed to complete the whole paper! was surprised hehe. on the previous day after the papers chiong all the way since i didn't revise geog during the weekends. didnt bother to. well i managed to memorise everything and yeah just dump everything on the paper. i always start writing nicely until i realie there is not enough time then i chiong write. but this time i started straight with my horrible handwriting to speed write if not confirm cannot finish. yay completed! :) i actually have good memorising skills hoho but im just too lazy to memorise everytime until exams. this is mainly why i don't do well in quizzes and timed practices :>

a stay home wednesday/public holiday to revise for chem and bio. okay i shall study a bit for malay. also did math practices. really dislike bio, you have to memorise so many things. but still i will prefer bio to geog and history and LA hahaha yay.

really hope that my hard work will pay off and get a GPA of 3.53 at least!
this time i really studied alot..... and its the streaming year and this common test forms the base mark.

a quote from audria:
did my best
get some rest
ace common test

really hope so! this time i really studied into it hoho :)

inspirations

common test is just around the corner, and i'm pretty much preparing myself for it.

was taking a break from studying so i happened to get to a friend's blog. Kind of inspired by it. Posting notes for each subject, and also normal blog posts on how you feel etc (like a normal blog).

i think i shall do this too!

but i kind of don't like how i will share my blog link with others, im kinda worried. well i really expressed how i feel here and no one knows it. you may think differently but that's really how i feel. i don't know, maybe because i don't show them on the outside.

i may look happy all the while, but deep inside, i sometimes wonder why am i like this. always happy, and never once sad. and that's why people don't believe me that i feel depressed when i failed a subj since i still smile in class when i know the marks. it's like im feeling sad in class, but my face does not show it out. im not even smiling but you guys say i am. oops.

anyways, i should really try it out. blog about notes. hope that hard work can really pay off this time round! :) 3.5, im coming!

super worried for geog. any oldies that can help me :>

and still contemplating whether i should really give out my blog address.

hmm.

stressed out.

common test is this upcoming week. I'm totally not prepared. I have not been scoring well for the practice papers and I really doubt I can do a good job this time. My mind is confused, I don't know where to start with, I don't know what I should do, I don't know what I can do. I'm lost......

So far this has been the only time that I get stressed out so much since my language arts is just right on the passing mark, and I failed geography timed practice.

I admit that I did not study for it, but still..? I studied some, but not everything. I blanked out on the spot that I could not think of the points for the political and social impacts. I was freaked out. I did not know what I should write. I don't know.

History is also one of the subject that I'm worried of. SBQ is tested this time round. You can't really study for it. and we have inference, comparison, reliability and drawing conclusion to do in 1 hour. YES ONE HOUR. how?? how to complete? no i can't. I lost my confidence in some subjects. I studied hard for it, and yet I failed. ((not referring to history here))

I lost confidence in everything. Did not practice the piano for about a month, neither for other instrus. I have a little amount of time for it but I just could not bring myself to do it. I don't see any point of practicing or doing anything else.

I'm not prepared for this test... No im not prepared. it's the base mark of my streaming. I can't flunk it, but I just couldn't make myself to really study hard for it. I lost the confidence. It's always fail and fail and fail for me. at least a 3.47 GPA please?

shall go back to studying. I really hope that I can score well this time. I've started mugging since a month ago, everyday night staying till at least 12:30am to revise. I really hope I can see success this time round x

still stressed. Seeing some good friends around me are mugging all the while. hardcore muggers. We help each other, but still I don't have any confidence in winning them or even reaching my own expectations......

Nights

I cry over sadness all night. You guys don't listen. Especially you. When someone asks you a question, you can not answer, finding excuses such as you don't know, you didn't see it. However, this is false. But when you ask us a question, we must answer it. if not you'll fucking rage at us. i don't care anymore. I don't. Rage all you want. Too dumb to realise arent you.

beware! :)

feeling so cui since last week. Have been on a fever, flu, cough and sore throat. Nah not sure what happened to me but the fever comes and goes. It can be 38 degrees now, and it can be 35 degrees later. HOHOHO whats happening.

The weather these days is crazy. Everyone should take care of your health and don't stand under the hot sun! Might get burnt or overheated resulting in fever and dry skin. Drink more water, eat lesser fried and oily food.

and YEAH, IT'S THE HOLIDAYS NOW. Although it's only one week, but at least maybe we have a little amount of free time. Teachers do give tons of holiday homework, and we should not play until the last few days then chiong all the way. If we complete all the work, then we can play with lesser stress since we don't have to worry about homework anymore! ;D When I was in primary school I always wait until the last few days then do my work. But now in secondary school, I always try to complete them first heheheh. obviously it's way better!! :D 

One more important point to take note: have time management ya. 

If you spend too much time on one easy homework such as spending 1h on 5 math sums, this shows that you don't have a good time management. They are doable, just that you have to try harder, think of different methods to solve the questions. Don't always stick to the same thing, change for the better! :) If you spent too much time on one piece of work, perhaps you can stop that and do others first, and after that go back to the difficult one. You won't waste more time like this!

QUALITY, NOT QUANTITY.

(although my LA teacher always look at quantity first, before quality)

Have a great holiday! :D Rest well, to prepare for the next term! Mid years are coming X.X jiayous! :)

where's the sense of belonging?

It looks like I have not been blogging for quite a long time. Maybe because I do not have like a totally free time to blog as long as I want to as I only get in between breaks most of the time. I do have things I want to say out, but who can I really approach? No way my family is going to be involved in this. He's the only one that know the other side of me. And my really really trustable friend :') Who else can I really rely on? I'm clueless, totally.

There are many things that happened these days. conflicts, problems and such. I have so much to say but I'm still not sure where to start with. I always have something on my mind but I just dont know how to start it since there are many things I want to say. I shall start listing them out.

1. school
there's so much happenings in school currently.

First of all, academics and my class. After listening to the subject briefing, I feel the stress and tension coming to me. Especially for language and humanities subjects that I can't do well. I'm really worried since by looking at the overview, this year's syllabus is way more difficult and tougher as compared to last year. I'm scared, worried that I might fail. I can't bear to fail LA as I have to pass it in order to be promoted. Furthermore, I don't want to end up in the A class. I want a good class, at least top 4 or 5. I have to work really hard but honestly with the minimal amount of time i have and the teachers my class got, I'm REALLY WORRIED. How are we able to pass through this year? Look at the teachers, every lesson they're the ones that are wasting lesson time instead of us. See so much of our actions for what? It's not like you don't know our class is very HYPER. It's just a small action like drinking water, you also have to ask 'why are you drinking water so many times and you're not talking? I'm the one who is talking and I don't have to drink any water.' and then always look up. Spoilt kid since young uh?! Look down on us?! WTF? you can drink, it's just that you don't want to drink in front of us. every lesson also must scold, 1h lesson, 45min can be used for scolding, then during lesson will talk, ended up like 1h lesson became 5-10min lesson. we have to pass LA to get promoted and yet..... UGH. and you still have the fucking guts to say that if we fail, we're going to get it from you?! well, senior citizens. what can you say.

Next up, social life. I seemed to be drifted away from friends sometimes especially when on social networking sites and stuff because I'm really really busy, I don't have time to complete my homework before 11pm. Yes, I agree on people saying I take too much time to do stuff coz I over-think. I really dislike this.
And also for my CCA! Well you can see that it's pretty obvious that some other sections can bond quite well, and we're here so separated. And I don't see any of them having the attentiveness, the hyper-ness at all. They are all seem to be dreading. I'm pretty jealous of other groups that can bond well unlike us. Can't you guys be more active and take the initiative to contribute more to your own activity? You can't even get out of it so you should make full use of it INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING EVERYDAY. And just because I'm closer to the others, you guys can't do your own stuff? Do you have to ask me everytime that where is this person because you need her to return you something. CAN'T YOU ASK YOURSELF? it's not one time, BUT EVERYTIME. It's your own stuff so you should carry your own responsibility don't you? Now I know why people dislike you now and then. You have to ask everyone to do everything for you, and there's many other else. You don't have to act blur. DO YOUR OWN PART. We don't have to help you do everything, you should DO IT YOURSELF. What an insensitive girl. not one but few.